Another Year Wiser

In just two short weeks I'll be 29. This will be the last year I'm in my "twenties." I honestly can't believe I've made it thus far in life without having a 2007 Britney breakdown. Believe me, I've been close. I've never been a big fan of birthdays, to be honest, they always suck and they're always a letdown. It never turns out the way you want and people just disappoint you. And to be fair... it's not like you did anything amazing by just being born. If anything your birthday should be a day to celebrate your mother and the painful hours of labor they went through to bring you into this world. You... you were simply just born. 

I didn't want to do anything this year. Honestly, I'm a lot more sensitive about my birthday this year than most. At the beginning of the year, I was so excited, so hopeful to soon be entering my thirties. But as 29 looms around the corner there is one thing that keeps hopping around in my brain. I'm turning 29 and I'm still failing at relationships. I had this stupid realization a couple weeks ago and since then, I haven't been okay. 

This is why I like doing one of two things for my birthdays. 1) Either forgetting it completely or 2) Going on a trip. And I'm not talking about a "Stassi Schroeder, it's my birthday, birthday trip." It's a trip to get away and be with loved ones. For 27 my girlfriends and I went to San Diego, I wanted to be with my best friends and celebrate my friendships with them. 28... I honestly don't think I did anything. I probably went to Disneyland which is not anything big because I go regularly. For 29, I'll be in Hong Kong and Macao with two of my best friends. But ever since I had this depressing realization, I'm not even that excited anymore.

The whole CS thing and then the recent Jon and Michelle betrayal really fucked my 2017 up. So not only am I failing at romantic relationships but friendship ones too. Man, my intuition was really off this year. My one "wish" as I get older year after year, is that with a new year, I hope I'm wiser. If anything, I feel like I'm not getting wiser, but softer and more vulnerable to bad people.

With 29, I'll definitely be making the same wish. Here's to hoping I'm actually another year wiser.

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